difficult times....

The end of this past week has been difficult for every college and university in this country as we all became aware of the deaths of two young men (Tyler Clementi at Rutgers and Raymond Chase at Johnson and Wales) who at the ages of 18 and 19 decided to take their own lives - suicide is always tragic, no matter what the circumstances. To lose two college students (and three other teenagers within the past two weeks) partly due to their being gay and being harasses/bullied is simply unacceptable and so disturbing to all of us. As the news of Tyler's death became known, I was contacted by our local NECN news reporter Anya Huneke who came to campus and interviewed me on my perspective on all of this. I was able to get her into contact with the President of our campus support group named Common Ground and Michael agreed to also be interviewed by her. I didn't see the coverage locally but it didn't take long before I was hearing from friends and former students in Boston and some areas of CT who had seen it on television. You can check the circumstances out online yourselves, but basically Tyler's roommate and his girlfriend posted a live video feed from their room (where Tyler thought he had privacy) out on the internet for everyone to see and what they saw was Tyler kissing another male student. Not long after that, and after some chat room dialogue on the internet, Tyler made the decision to end his own life, thus taking a young man with great promise and someone who was a gifted violinist, someone's son, perhaps brother and certainly friend away from us forever. That news was devastating to LGBTQ students all over the country. This is 2010 and bullying/harassment continues for young people who are "still trying to figure out who we are" as Michael so accurately put it in his part of the tv interview. I met the Dean of Students from Rutgers at the NCAA National Convention this past January - he is a good man - someone who must be personally and professionally devastated by the behaviors of some of his students which contributed to the death of another student. The SAD REALITY is that we (college/university professors, administrators, staff, etc. can do all the right things - we can provide our students with workshops dealing with diversity issues - we can provide support and resources for our students and yet the REALITY is that in spite of all of OUR good intentions, students still have free will and the right to make their own decisions. Hopefully a bad decision may only result in a missed class or a failed exam or a horrific hangover BUT sometimes the consequences can turn tragic even when the intention was never there to "hurt" someone else. Parents have to deal with the same reality - they can say and do all the right things but then their "kids" go off and do or say something "stupid" and that leaves parents shaking their heads, wondering "where did we go wrong?" Again, our young people have the right and freedom to make their own decisions.

OUR RESPONSIBILITY is to make sure that OUR rhetoric is NOT racist, nor homo-ignorant, nor sexist nor ethnocentric and it is OUR RESPONSIBILITY to not tolerate such rhetoric around us AND our sons and daughters. WE do have a responsibility to challenge hurtful rhetoric and/or behaviors when we encounter them in our own lives - that way WE set a tone and WE become the positive role models that gives OUR sons and daughters the courage to confront racist, homo-ignorant, sexist and ethnocentric language/behavior when they see it. I have been challenging all of my students, friends and colleagues over this issue for a long time - it is something that while not easy, is EASIER for me to do and I recognize that it is not always easy for young people to confront their peers, their family members or even, themselves. However, the tragic results of the past few weeks, with two college students dead and three other even younger kids (13, 15 and 15) dead at their own hands because they were bullied/harassed because of something that they have no choice over (sexual orientation is NOT a choice) demand that all of us become part of the solution for otherwise we are the problem..........

Please take care and help us to make our campuses SAFER by confronting bigotry and prejudices. Also, please keep all of the members of our military and their families in your thoughts and prayers. This morning there was a funeral held for a 20 year old Vermonter who was killed last week in Afghanistan - no parent should have to lose a child.................

Dave